Thunderdome

From the Holy City of Bay Village

"Two go in, one comes out" - Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

Hillary bitch-slapped Hussein last night. That was expected, but not the extent of the bruising. Of course a lot of his contusions were self-inflicted. Barack Obama note to self: Never pee on somebody’s leg before you ask for their vote... unless you’re in San Francisco, and then it’s considered customary to ask first.

It’s not like nobody saw it coming. There are a lot of religious people who own guns, who just can’t bring themselves to vote for a Republican. Obama handed their votes to Clinton immediately prior to the vote. But he is after all, from Chicago where politicians hold non-criminal gunowners in the same high regard that chitlin salesmen are held in Mecca. It was only natural that he display contempt for people for whom he has contempt.

While I have little regard for Hillary’s character, I consider her right up there with Josef Stalin when it comes to opportunism, hypocrisy and a complete willingness to take advantage of her opponents’ blunders to destroy them. Unfortunately for her, this a “winner take all” system, not a “winner kill all”.

Let me present here a prediction I made to friends over a year ago.

Hillary Clinton simply can’t be anybody but Hillary Clinton. Her arrogance and sense of entitlement just don’t allow her to tolerate contradiction or the thwarting of her ambitions. She absolutely must utterly destroy anyone who stands in her way. Barack Obama stands in her way. His mistake. She will bring him down any way she can. He is Sergei Kirov to her Stalin. While she probably won’t dupe some lunatic with a grievance into shooting Obama in the back of the head, that doesn’t mean that she won’t destroy him by any other possible means. He is after all, a Chicago politician. Naturally, he has to have more skeletons in his closet than Jeffrey Dahmer. Many of them have recently done a macabre dance out into the living room in the middle of what he’d hoped would be an elegant celebratory cocktail party. There are undoubtedly more to come. Like the scorpion in the fable, it’s just her nature.

If Hillary manages to bring Obama down, she will do so in the most ham-handed, obvious way possible. It will get Obama out of the way. It will also so alienate the Black vote that more people will have seen Jerry Lewis’s concentration camp clown movie than Black people will turn out for the general election. And make no mistake, Clinton cannot win without the Black vote.

Even should Obama somehow avoid Hillary’s coup de gras, he has wounded and will continue to wound himself fatally with his ill-considered statements and irredeemable associations. The Ghost of Rezkos Past will likely come early this year. I doubt that the religious and gun owning will react better to Obama’s elitism in the general election than they did in the Pennsylvania primary.

And what of John McCain? His campaign needs a thirty second delay on everything he says in order to stop him from offending ANYONE likely to vote for him, no matter how reluctantly. Clinton and Obama are working like serfs to make this election McCain’s to lose. The question is whether he’ll waste their tireless efforts.

Saint Nothing's Day Massacre

From the Holy City of Sandusky

It seems that the fair citizens of Apartheid Chicago are the victims of a cruel and pernicious hoax!

Local media outlets are reporting that in excess of thirty people were shot over the weekend, with at least four assuming room (or outdoor) temperature. Clearly, this is IMPOSSIBLE!

Chicago has some of the strictest gun laws in the nation. There’s simply no way that anyone could be shot there (except by the incompetent, trigger happy, corrupt Chicago PD), much less thirty people! The Tribune and Sun-Times should hang their heads in shame for perpetuating such nonsense.

In related news, Chicago police slaughtered one of our puma friends in a hail of gunfire. The unfortunate cat was shot in the street when it allegedly attacked police. There is no truth at all to the story that the gun found underneath said mountain lion originated in a Chicago Police Department evidence locker. In related news, two black panthers were shot in their beds by Chicago police. No weapons were found at the scene...

Old Whupass in New Cans

From the Holy City of Rocky River

I’ve been away for far too long. Health issues, technical difficulties and simple laziness have contributed to my absence here.

Where to begin? I know! How about that wretched hive of scum and villainy, better known as the Chicago Police Department? That Sergeant York of the South Side, Detective Alvin Weems, having never been able to find his ass with both hands, has now lost said hindquarters in a brutal judgement in favor of the survivors of the late Michael Pleasance. I’m not sure how things are divided up, but between him and Apartheid Chicago, the family of the murdered Mr. Pleasance are owed in excess of $15 million. That homicidal feeb Weems murdered a man in the 95th Street El station. Ironically, he might end up living there, depending upon how the court enforces the judgement against him. Given his facility for lying about the killing of Michael Pleasance, he could always claim to OWN the transit station. And why not? There will always be simpletons eager to believe him merely because some fool put a hat with a checkerboard on his head. Maybe the RTA will take pity on Weems and set aside a broom closet for Weems and his family. But if I were them, I’d put a metal detector in front of it. You don’t want to be anywhere around that dolt when he’s packing iron.

And while we’re on the subject of cavemen in blue, there’s our favorite cross between Ike Turner and Jabba the Hut, Officer Anthony Abbate. Having confirmed [but hardly originated] the reputation of the Chicago PD, he has intermittently reminded one and all of the singular qualities that the Chicago Police Department brings to the world of law enforcement, such as morbid obesity, violence against women and a loathesome sense of entitlement. Now it appears that whatever deal was in the works to allow him to plead guilty has struck the twin icebergs of common sense and simple decency, sending it to the bottom with all hands. Unless even one of his liquor soaked synapses begins firing, it looks like he’s going to go to trial for his cowardly beating of barmaid Karolyna Obrycka. I hear that his attorney is trying to get a change of venue to either the Tribal Territories of Pakistan or Zeta Reticuli. If he can’t be tried somewhere that views him as a hero, at least his case could be tried some place where relatively few people know his name... and spit when they hear it.

And while we’re on the subject of Fat Tony and his future career change to “prison wife”, every time he’s in the news, the crew over at SecondCityCop is poised not just to excuse what he did, but indeed to champion it, since after all, any woman who puts her hands on a guy [who’s physically abusing other patrons] DESERVES a beating like that. My favorite sniveling rant is that of the poltroons who claim, “He wouldn’t be in this kind of trouble if he wasn’t a cop.” Well, DUH! Since a LOT of the charges involve misusing his position to intimidate the complainant and witnesses from pursuing the case against him, I’d guess so. But maybe some genius in a checkerboard hat can spin a gripping yarn of lumber stackers at Home Depot using THEIR “positions” to get people falsely arrested. Of course all of these defenses of a 300lb. sniveling coward are stupid, but I suppose if you’re going down that road, you have to work with the who and what you have. Stupid is as stupid does, and there aren’t many people dumber than the Tony Abbate fan club. When Abbate’s convicted and sentenced to 5-10 in Joliet, I think it would be a fitting gesture of reconciliation if Karolyna Obrycka were to publicly hand that bloated ignoramus a purple negligee (from the Richard Speck Signature Collection), sixe XXXL, season one of “Oz”on DVD, and a gallon bucket of KY as his prison “care package”. Hey, I’m all about reconciliation and healing... and that KY’s a small down payment on the kind of healing Abbate will need., especially if he’s kept in general population as he deserves.